No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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