No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
