I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
