i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
