Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
