allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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