he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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