Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
