Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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