She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
