Will you blow on my dice?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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