That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
