In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
