he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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