I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
