i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
