I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
