im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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