Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
