you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
