We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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