ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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