tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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