I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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