actually, I'm a sock model
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
