just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
