She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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