I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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