dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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