I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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