I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
