I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
