Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
