oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
