Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
