never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
