I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
