she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
