She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
