I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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