the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have fence marks all over my body
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize