I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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