and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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