You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
