ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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