Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
