i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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