I CAN MOONWALK!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
