Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
