so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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