how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
