I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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