im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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