if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
