The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
