We're facebook friends in real life
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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