hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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