Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
false alarm, still single
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
